I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
