Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
