It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Randomize
