i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
