Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
