To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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