He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm passing your future prison.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
