Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
