the condom got lost in my hair
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
