actually, I'm a sock model
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
