so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
