I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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