Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
