I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
