I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
