i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
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