Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
