singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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