it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
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