If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
