I forgot how hot balto sounded
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
