I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
