do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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