just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
