No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
