he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
