peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
