I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
