dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
