New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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