Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She told me I should be a condom model.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
