Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
