If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
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