I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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