i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
