i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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