I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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