I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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