you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
