Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
