Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
