I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Randomize
