The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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