hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
