Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate

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(303): View more from Colorado

normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.

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(410): View more from Maryland

best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend

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(304): View more from West Virginia

I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.

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(404): View more from Georgia

he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?

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(905): View more from Ontario

Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun

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(618): View more from Illinois

I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life

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(734): View more from Michigan

Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath

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