i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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