I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
