she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
