In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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