they said they heard you say put it in my butt
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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