my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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