his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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